Possibly I Am Dying

I have had some weird virus all week, which is total pants. 3 days of pretty much 24 hour naps, followed by grinding intense stomach cramps all day today. SUCKFEST 2010.

Tomorrow I'm off to be a tourist in my own country - hooray for the deep South! For you American readers, there are probably just as many rednecks as your own deep South, but the beer is better and nobody duels with banjos.

Today I have the word 'homunculus' stuck in my head. Sigh.

Where the Hell are We?

Managed to squeeze a good deed in today. Helped some lost tourists. They really reminded me of all the times I have been lost in foreign countries, clutching my sub-par map with inexplicable sections of the roads missing, scale all out of whack, clearly intended to make me lost forever in the wilds of [fill in foreign city here]. I hope you have a good time, fey looking Japanese girls!

7s of Doom But I Guess it Was Fun For the Kids

Tried to go into town last night and just couldn't handle the jandal I'm afraid. Carnage! And since when was a rugby thing an excuse for women to dress up like whores and men to dress up like drag queens? There were some SIGHTS, let me tell ya...

I guess it's a testament to my advancing years that when I saw the 2 drunk chicks lolling around in some shrubbery, I thought "Hmph. My taxes paid for those bushes!"

I was also quite concerned for the man who had bent down to pick up his dropped cigarettes, and seemed to be incapable of straightening up again. Plus he had no friends with him. Bad. Don't ditch your mates!

Anyway, I had to flee the scene so I elbowed a couple of teenagers out of the way of a taxi, and leapt in. It barely had time to roll to a stop before we were off to the relative safety of Karori. Bet there are some sore heads in Wellington this morning.

Tuesday Tootles

I rescued a bumblebee today. It was clinging to the jersey of a girl from work, and I had to take it all the way down 9 floors to release it outside because none of the windows in the building open...

Did you know that buses will spontaneously combust if the drivers use their brakes while approaching a corner? Yup. Every driver in Wellington can't be wrong.

Relocation?

I'm so fucking sick of the fucking weather.

It's rained 3 weekends in a row and it's supposed to be summer. Anyone up for a mass exodus to Melbourne? If there was enough of a critical mass of Kiwis, it might drown out the general ickiness of the Australians.

Things I have achieved this week:

• Had my performance review at work and it went well (yay me).
• Picked up a V can that everyone was just dodging around on the footpath. Not hard to put these things in the rubbish bin!
• Ate gnocchi.

Things I did not achieve this week:

• Inner peace.
• World peace.
• The filing I was supposed to do.

All in all, I think I have struck an acceptable balance!

Summer in Wellington

Yeah, generally it's shit. We had a storm all weekend and tempers were fraying all over the city by Sunday evening. But Monday came through in the end, and everyone rushed desperately for the waterfront in a vain attempt to take advantage of their lunch breaks in order to suck up some vitamin D. Or whatever it is that you're supposed to suck up out of sunshine.

I scoffed sandwiches with unseemly haste in Frank Kitt's Park with Sarah, and then frog-marched her as far as the Overseas Terminal while waving my arms for emphasis while I told her stories.

I also yelled at some shitty little brats who threw a coke bottle at a duck. Just for the record - DON'T bloody well stand there and think it's none of your business so you shouldn't get involved. It IS your business. Also, I have only just figured out that to other people, I actually look like an adult. So when I tell kids off for being (let's face it) horrible little psychopaths, they actually do have to listen! Score.

This evening I went to one of the free summer concerts in the Botanical Gardens, and it rocked. Picnic in the afternoon sun, couple of beers (all bottles safely recycled, all ducks unmolested), free tunes, new people to meet. Magic!

Just to top it off, I walked home with Charlotte and we saw the glow worms at the top of the gardens by her house. Extra magic!

Number of Car Parks Sam Has Been in, Naked

2.