Goddamn Birds!

These are the types of birds that have menaced me this week.

1. Seagulls.

• Intent: stealing my sandwich.
• Impediment: the closed car window.
• Infraction: hovering right outside the window and eyeballing me in a menacing manner.

2. Sparrows.

• Intent: getting more pie crumbs.
• Impediment: I was still eating the pie.
• Infraction: flying up and attempting to steal the pie crust right out of my mouth.

3. Ducks.

• Intent: eating my potato chunk.
• Impediment: it was at a restaurant (albeit on the balcony).
• Infraction: outrageous cheek and swiping my damn potato anyway!

What's up, Avian-New Zealanders? Did I kick a nest or something?