Day in the Life

My alarm buzzed at 7:30, interrupting a very disturbing dream about which I can now recall nothing (thank goodness) and I rolled out of bed into the soupy hot air that is currently Taipei's. Usual ablutions.

Met Morning for breakfast at 9, where we dawdled and dallied over our dan-ping until it was 10am and high time to poke a nose in at work.

Noses poked, we realised there were flapping ears about so we hastily retired to the coffee shop for more caffeine and more chat. Yeah, ok. More giggling about nothing important.

11am rolled around SO fast! Morning had Dingo Snacks to entertain, and I had many many lessons to plan.

I sat in the Teachers Room for hours, thinking up stimulating games that would manage to incorporate the mysteries of sentences using 'so' and 'because', and designing large notices in Chinglish for the kids to correct before their unit quiz.

1:30pm - first class of the day. Not a single one of the little bastards had done their modest homework, for which I gave them a week to complete. We then started the first game, only to discover that they didn't know any of the review sentence patterns either. I yelled for only 15 seconds or so, which I thought was most noble of me considering, then I canceled all the games and made them write out tedious vocabulary over and over again until it was time for the unit quiz and then instead of a break I made them do their damn homework. 2 and a half hours of sulking children, grim teacher, dead silence.

And then just before I left at 4 I gave them a pissy speech about how it was all their fault and how they are lazy little bastards who are wasting my time. Then I told them that next week it would be more of the same if they continued to act up.

Spent an hour between classes marking homework.

Off to my K12 class, who used to be delightful but some time in the last 2 months have all hit puberty at the same time and are now appalling. There is much talk of shit and assholes, and boasting over who has the "biggest bird". I ended up having to yell at them too, and gave half of them double homework.

I was finally rid of them at 7, and then there was only 13 homework books, 3 pieces of awful essay writing, 2 lesson plans and 4 minutes at the photocopier standing between me and my bat cave.

Just before I left, the skies opened.

I walked home in a torrential downpour and vicious thunderstorm, with my jeans rolled up to my knees, my watch in my pocket, and my ipod tucked between me and my satchel since it's the only thing in my bag I truly love.

Arrived home to good old 3/9/213/180 Minquan Dong Loo, or whatever the hell my address is, wet wet wet.

Ate all the cheese in the house.

I'm ready for bed.

Big and Very Important News

The rumours are all true, and you can believe your ears.

That's right, I NOW OWN A HOODIE WITH SAUSAGE DOGS ON IT.

This photo had to be in black and white because it's way more flattering for my shiny red nose, but the close up one shows the dogs in all their glory.

Note that there is the occasional poodle. And, I believe, a Boston Terrier or two?



AWESOME!!!!!



In other news, I have received actual mail (thanks Mum) which consists of a postcard picture that she took herself. It shows a squirrel that is very cute, but I guess somebody disagreed because the poor little guy also has an infra-red dot on its side, from a rifle scope. Ah BOOOO!

What else?

Well, I'm still in the middle of my dan-ping love affair, notwithstanding occasional dalliances with dumplings.

I did a touristy thing or two, just to spice things up - went to Longshan Temple (meh) which is apparently where Taipei hides all its crazies. There were homeless people sleeping in the square and talking to themselves. Knew they had to be around here somewhere! Apart from the meh temple, there were a lot of sex toy shops, and the street where you go if you want to eat snakes. Which I don't.

I also got a haircut, so once again I look like a button mushroom. A mahogany button mushroom.

A special "Blind Squirrel" mention to my sister Tracy, for her foul and politically incorrect jokes, which I duly shared with the teachers of Kojen (very selectively though!) and was very popular for about 10 minutes while they roared with laughter.

Must away, I've just remembered that I have cheese in the fridge. mmmmm... tasty...

It Followed Me Home, Can I Keep It?

Some days, I don't know how I'm ever going to leave Taiwan. I am so in love with my kids.

Taroko Gorge

Okay, I'll admit that thus far Taiwan has failed to impress me with its scenery. Every time I go somewhere, I think "Meh, it's not as good as New Zealand" or "God there's a lot of rubbish here" or "Mother of God, WHY?". This last one refers to more situations than you'd think. For example, the perfectly nice fountain at Yangminshan, about which I was just about to make an appreciative comment, when I rounded a corner and found the 8 foot tall anthropomorphic eggplant statue.

Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, Taroko Gorge. It's nice.

We took thousands of photos with which I shall not bore you, and we rode scooters all day. You'll be relieved to read that I did not die, crash into anything (much) or injure any passengers. There was a slight misunderstanding between myself and the rest of the drivers on the road about a no-left-turn rule, but we agreed to disagree and it only took 10 minutes for my heart to start beating normally again.

Here is me, looking a bit pleased with myself, and my hapless biker moll Jonathan.




A bridge, a tunnel, and some amazing steep cliffs.




Part of the Nine Turns Tunnel. Which rocked. Hah!



In conclusion, you should go. It's really quite stunning if you like cliffs and rocks and waterfalls.

Fridays with Jody

I'm mucking around on here and I really should be getting ready to go have breakfast with Morning. Oh well - she'll wait a minute or two for me!

Been musing about new words. I offer the following:

e-lief. Noun. A fact that you know to be true because you read about it on-line.

Anyway, that's all.

A WHOLE Weekend!

That's right folks, I got Saturday off this week. It feels like such a treat, but then again I also feel like it's the least I deserve! Eh, whatever. TIT (this is Taiwan).

I managed to do something typically retarded yesterday. I went to put my laptop away, and as I stood up, I stood on the cord. Which of course yanked my poor lappy out of my loving arms and sent it crashing to the floor. Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

Fortunately, its fall was broken. Unfortunately, its fall was broken by its own power-cord. Which promptly split open and let out a couple of sparks. Not good...

Fortunately, it's a pretty new lappy so I managed to buy a new cord in record time. Unfortunately it was 1000NT. Ah booo!

In other news, I've been running around with Morning all day looking at second books and CDs. I've purchased, among other things, a ridiculous Taiwanese Eagles rip off album by The Eagels which is pretty terrible. Score!

I also went back to the man on the street stall from whom I bought a belt last week, and asked him to shorten it a bit because it's too big. He took this to mean that I have magically gotten thinner in the past week, and gave me an enthusiastic double thumbs up for my achievement...

Doesn't matter how sexy-hot you feel, you're still a big fatty in Taiwan!