Maintenance Product

Apparently, this is what used to be called 'toothpaste'. When did this happen?

Snow Chronicles - the Christmas appendix

This is down the street from my house. In case you can't quite make it all out, there's a full nativity scene on the roof made of plastic, that glows, at least 4 Christmas trees, a collection of snowmen and penguins riding on a ferris wheel, about 8 candy canes, and Santa.

Just out of the shot on the left is an inflatable merry go round, and on the side of the house is a big banner that says "Happy holidays from the (can't remember their name)s".

Hmm.

Snow Chronicles

I got home safely, albeit a tad frosted! Thank goodness I bought rubber boots the day before the storm (they're truly hideous, but they were on sale) because they came in handy for the trudging and such...

Once Martha and I had conquered winter by getting home to our nice warm flat, we decided to go out for a drink, down in Davis Square.

Martha started the night off right by completely missing the bottom step, and face-planting into our nice fluffy white front yard. Still, she's hardy stock so we dusted her off and continued into town.

We had a lovely time, did a bit of bar crawling, quaffed some average wine and some very fine beer, and then headed home. The snow was piling up, so we spent about 20 minutes shoveling it onto the verge, and trying to find the front steps.

I just got up, and guess what? It's been snowing all damn night, and all that back breaking shoveling was for nothing because it looks like we didn't bloody touch it! BUGGER.

To cheer me up, Martha said we could let the cat out to see what he thinks of having cold paws. What do you think? A happy face?



Ha ha! She drew the line at my proposal that we biff him into a big snow drift and watch him "phooooof" and disappear.

Here's the current view from the front door.



It's STILL snowing! I'm glad I have vege bacon and the Internet. All will be well.

Blizzards and Butt Munches

Well, there's a massive snow storm about to hit Massachusetts. As in, in about 45 minutes. The rich, important, overpaid and snooty employees have been allowed to go home early, so that their precious carcasses aren't trapped in their nice cars as they battle back to their homes.

I, on the other hand, have to stay here on the front desk and answer the phone until 4. With nobody to cover for me, even if I need to use the bathroom! Getting the feeling I'm slightly disgruntled? You're very astute.

A story:

One of the many couriers came in this morning, and noticed in our brief transaction that I am from somewhere else. We had this conversation...

"Where you from? Ireland?"
"Um, no actually. I'm from New Zealand."
"Ohhhh! Eh! Eh! Eh!"
"What?"
"I went to Canada once, for two weeks."
... (This is me, being completely nonplussed.)

To Quote The Locals...

I'm soooo excited!

Yesterday I bought my train ticket to Washington D.C., for Obama's inauguration weekend! Even if I don't get to see the actual ceremony (tickets are impossible to get at this stage) I'll be there on the ground and hopefully watching it on a big TV. And that's about as good as it gets for this little Kiwi.

From Culture to Smut in 6 Hours!

Sometimes, a day is going so well. You're out in sub-zero temperatures, admiring lovely buildings that you can barely see through your streaming eyes, attempting to take fetching photos with frozen fingers.



You snicker at hilarious T signs for destinations that are, shall we say, fanciful?



The company is superb, of course! Especially when it's willing to pose with a large tin of Milo while sitting on a turtle.



Where would the turtle be without the hare?



Can't remember who this guy is. Quincy? Adams? Washington? Boylston? Not important. It's me, Stef, and a large tin of Milo!



Ah yes, going so well. This was the more civilised part of our day. We were frozen so bloody solid that we decided to ditch the sights of Boston, and drink ourselves warm.

So we went back to my 'hood, and propped up the bar for a few hours. Met this hilarious guy who used to (according to him, anyway) be a professional hockey player and wrestler, who spent most of the time talking our ears off about his fabulous life.

It had its moments. I liked when he tried to get Stef to arm wrestle an old guy sitting at the other end of the bar, and when he went to great lengths to assure us that he's not gay. I'm not sure why this was in question, but there you go.

The day was rounded up nicely by the very drunk, possibly homeless man outside the Davis Square T station, who asked us if we would like to "make love". Now, doesn't that just warm your heart?

Meeting People

Usually, when I meet new people, it goes like this. They do that super-saccharine "Oh hi! Nice to meeeeet you!!!" thing that Americans do when they're being polite. Then I say something appropriate back. Then they get the Look. The one that says "She's not from around here...".

Questions ensue, and my ancestral roots are traced back to New Zealand, which invariably gets a response of "Oh! Nooo Zeeeland! I hear it's beautiful".

But yesterday, I met this guy at a temps office party who immediately informed everyone around us that New Zealanders may look prim and innocent (while he waved his hand in MY direction!) but they're actually hard-core party animals and can drink anybody you care to mention right under the table.

I felt peer pressure! I felt the burden of civic pride in our achievements, no matter how dubious! I felt that maybe it's the Americans' fault that we drink irresponsibly. If they're going to keep admiring us for it, how can we not play along? Before you know it, I was agreeing to meet up for a couple of bottles of wine to prove that I am, in fact, an Antipodean Booze Bitch.

Brilliance Abounds

Got stuck on the train for quite a while this evening, because the driver overshot Davis Square station, and we had to BACK UP. Lame.

Bostonians are not shy about sharing their disgust with bad service. It was quite the bitch session in my carriage!

ew

So, last night I was innocently dreaming in my little bed, snuggled up under my beautiful quilt, when something interrupted my slumber.

A fast and uncomfortable-sounding squeaking.

Yep, my loser bastard inconsiderate idiot upstairs neighbour, who consistently comes home around midnight to play some ridiculous base-pounding computer game that reverberates through my room, seems to have gotten laid.

It was all over in 2 minutes flat, and there were no discernible sounds of appreciation.

I hate sharing houses.

Thanksgiving

Spent the weekend up in Essex with C's family. These people.



It was kind of cold! This is everyone on one of the gut-reducing walks we went on. They're standing in front of a quarry lake. Very beautiful, but freaky as well.

A fun day, minus the killer wave that tried to snatch Caroline and her brother Dan!

The Month in Review

Here's the premise. I decided to show up at home for my sister's 30th birthday. So I sneaked in with my weasel tail, and spent a month in NZ.

Firstly, I had this reallllly long stopover in San Francisco. But it was pretty awesome in the end, because Felicity picked me up, and we went out for delicious Italian food! And of course we went to see that bridge thing that they're always crapping on about. It was a perfect day, and the view was amazing.



Finally got to NZ, and the magnificent Kosal Kong picked me up from the airport. One epic nap later, and my travel-cankles had subsided enough for me to hit the streets. I decided to go surprise Tracy at work.

She cried, so I guess she really wasn't expecting me! Thanks for keeping your mouths shut, Kosal and everyone that Kosal told...

I met Nat, (the BF) we went out for dinner, all was grand! That's Tracy and Nat, just down there.



After the initial shock had worn off, there was little to do but groom my magnificent beast in the soft Wellington sunshine! (see previous posts...)

I squeezed in a birthday party for Miss Olivia, seen here hunting for cake. Her little sister was quarantined on the top floor of the house, which was a shame, but what can you do? Poor kid is only the size of a banana loaf.



Isn't Wellington gorgeous? LOOK at it! Sucks to be everyone else, I say.



Then after 3 weeks of coffee lunch coffee drinks dinner drinks repeat, I went down to Nelson to see my folks and go to a reunion party.

Mum in her new garden! Oh man, the wine and cheese that goes with that patio area... It doesn't bear thinking about.



Clancy and the pood. Possibly the most pointless dog in the world, but I am prepared for further disappointment.



Then it was the world infamous Fifeshire FM 20th Anniversary Party. We got gussied up for the occasion, and naturally, Jackie and I were the hottest chicks there.



See? I told you.

I got back in touch with my dear friends Schroeder and Clint from a million years ago. I'd forgotten how much I liked hanging out with these two. Don't let the faces put you off - they're actually good looking guys when they're not DRUNK. A good time was had by all. ;)



With that milestone safely out of the way, I was very much looking forward to the next. My beautiful friend Amanda made the trek up the South Island with Josh in tow, and we had 2 days in Nelson to catch up. Lots of running around after Mr. Lawrence, I can tell you! That kid has working legs.



2 whirlwind days back in Wellington, and I was off again, suitcases bulging. 8 hours in Sydney, with George and Emily (here's me with that building they keep crapping on about) and then I was stuck in a miserable airplane seat for a super fun 14 hour flight to California, 8 hours of which I got to enjoy extreme turbulence.



On my way home, I inadvertently wore my "Me Terrorist, Me Packin' Blow" outfit. I got swabbed for explosives and had my bags searched in Wellington. I got swabbed for drugs in Sydney. I got x-rayed 3 times in San Francisco, and had to pull all sorts of things out of my bag. Turns out they were highly suspicious of my teeny tiny box of ibuprofen!

I had a philosophical argument with the guard about whether or not Vegemite is a liquid, which I think I won... At any rate, he decided to let me bring this dangerous substance into the USA.

Got back to Boston to discover that someone has moved the sun farther away from the area, and as a result I am MIFFED. It's cold!

World Travelling Jody Packs Her Bags

2 days left and so much to do! Here's what I have left to squeeze in...

• coffee dates x 4
• lunch dates x 2
• boozy debacle x 1
• exclusive sister dinner x 1
• stuffing duvet in bag, and hoping some idiot from airport security doesn't decide to take it out because it probably won't go back in
• Mountain O Laundry

Think I'll make it? We'll just have to wait and see, won't we?

Nelson, Narcotics and Noodles

The first is where I am. It's ok, now that the sun is out! Spent the day doing stuff with Mum, including taking the teacup poodle to the groomer's for a bath and trim. She certainly smells better, excluding her INEXPLICABLE dead seashell breath.

The second would be nice.

The third is what I made for dinner. It was a hit, on account of nobody really wants to cook but everyone likes to eat. Typical. Anyway, it was tasty and now I'm sitting around slurping up sav and considering getting into my pjs. Hah! Life is pretty good.

Quandry

John Key's New Zealand, or Barack Obama's America? Hmmm.

BUH BYE.

Mollllllllllllllle...

I'm down one mole! Right now, it's in a container of god knows what in some lab, getting chopped up and peered at.

I'll have you know I was VERY brave and I didn't cry. Tracy came and held my hand, and she was also very brave, even when the doctor started hacking the thing off and she started feeling faint.

There are 2 stitches, which Tracy is pretty keen to take out. However, having carefully considered her medical expertise, I've decided to let a nurse do it.

Doings

It's kind of weird to be back in some ways. If I ignore the abomination in my former bedroom, the house is pretty much as it always was. Ned is still delicious. The garden has sprouted a few more flowers, but the view from the living room is the same. Sigh...

Anyway, what HAVE I been up to? There's been lunching. With Kosal and Tracy.




There've been mature experiments with very strong magnets.






There's been Beast Grooming.



I've also been eating pizza, drinking wine, getting hugs, driving around, looking after kids, ferrying mothers around, booking myself in for minor surgery, doing laundry, shaking rugs, having dinners, planning lunches, walking down by the sea, enjoying the sun.

God knows how I used to do all this stuff AND work. It's almost impossible!

Spring Has Sprung

New Zealand is frikking cold. Good thing I packed long-sleeved shirts!

It's weird to be surrounded by Kiwi accents again. I don't feel as special! But it's marvellous to be surrounded by decent coffee again, so there's a silver lining...

Today I had brunch with Kosal and did a bit of shopping (her, not me) but it was so cold I'm glad to be back inside with Ned. Who, in case there was any doubt, is DELICIOUS.

Sneaky Like a Weasel

I'm in New Zealand! I came back for a surprise visit to Tracy, since it was her 30th yesterday. I THINK she was surprised...

Anyway, I'll be home for about a month, and would love to see you, if you're in Wellington!

First impressions of home: Wellington totally rocks. It's gorgeous and full of beautiful people.

Deedly Dee

I was on the T yesterday, and there was this older man who was talking to himself, and barely holding onto a Dunkin' Donuts cup full of some sort of very smelly pink alcohol. All of a sudden, he leans forward to the man sitting in front of him, and asks him if he's minding his business (or something like that) and the guy says "yeah I'm minding my business, are you?" and the drunk must have mentioned something about the guy's mother because the next thing we know this teeny tiny little Irishman wearing a bright green jacket with IRELAND across the front leaps onto his seat and starts screaming that he's going to fucking kill him and NOBODY TALKS ABOUT HIS MOTHER!

He wanted the drunk to get off at the next stop for a fight. It was very exciting. Sure did shut that drunk guy up though. All of a sudden he had nothing to say, and a deep and abiding interest in his own shoes.

I think that was my first experience of a true Southie.

Elections

So, things are heating up here in the last push to the November 4th election. I think McCain's a little desperate, and definitely coming across like a silly old man. But that might just be my pinko-liberal-leftist-hippy-queer lovin'-communist side talking. Go Obama!

I registered to vote today, which involved a hike and a half to the Somerville town hall. I was expecting all kinds of hassles after the shit-fight that has been my experience with the Registry of Motor Vehicles (Dear RMV Staff: drop dead.) but to my total surprise, the town hall folk were fantastic. Friendly, helpful, in possession of working pens, not at all smug when people didn't have the right paperwork; merely generous in their giving of useful advice.

I can't have been in there for more than 10 minutes, and just like that, I was registered and done.

Everywhere I go, people seem to be discussing politics. Or the economy. Little old ladies tsking about such a young man being up for president, students recounting parts of The Daily Show (it's actually a much more credible source of accurate and impartial news reports than most of the TV channels) to each other and sniggering about the weird moose lady from Alaska. Drooling paste-eaters still marking 'undecided' on their various bureaucratic forms. JEEBUS! You've had 2 freaking years to pick a damn side!

Everyone is worried about the economy, and sniveling at the potential changes to their hedonistic lifestyles. "Oh, woe is me! I won't be able to afford a pedicure every week, and a brand-new SUV!" "My stocks are so low, I'm not going to be able to retire at 35!"

I'm waiting to see what it looks like when it's all settled. To be honest, since I am an unemployed bum with no prospects, no investments, no savings, no car and no assets of any kind except for what I grew myself ;), I don't feel all that involved. We'll see.

27 8x10 Colour Glossy Prints With Circles and Arrows and a Paragraph on the Back of Each One, Explaining What Each One Was...

So, today I was cruising down Washington Street on my way back from an agency interview, and I came across a whole city block of downtown Boston cordoned off by the police.

And I do mean with that yellow tape you see in the movies, with Boston Police Department - Do Not Cross written on it.

There were 2 police cars, a van, a cop on a bike (!!) and around 12 police officers. I had a good rubber-neck, but there was nothing to see within the cordoned area.

Then I heard a passerby ask one of the cops what was going on. The cop replied "fight".

Okay, here's where I have to snigger. A 'fight'?? There was no blood, no ambulance, no sign of some sort of stand-off, no participants in said fight anywhere to be seen.

Could this be a case of American paranoia, or is the Boston City Police Department just bored as hell and dying to try out some of their fancy cop equipment?

Scared

I just paid my last month's rent and security deposit, plus my outstanding phone bill. I now have f*ck all money left.

And those useless temp agencies have only found me 4 days work in the last 2 weeks.

I'm scared.

MFA

Today I finally got to the Museum of Fine Arts, and it was divine. We were there for almost 5 hours, and no way did I see everything.

Among the many many highlights - I got to see the Pan Painter's vase showing Actaeon being nibbled to death by little dogs (a personal fav) and the kalyx krater with the Death of Agamemnon where he's got that weird net thing over him. FABBO!

Plus I got to see the original of my replica Egyptian cat statue. It's really small!

I managed to resist most of the temptations of the gift shop, except for a couple of small things for TRACY... :)

Boston of Deliciousness

Boston is so beautiful! I was wandering the streets the other day, as I am unemployed and that is What We Do.

I ended up in the Prudential building area, rounded a corner, and found this awesome square! Wicked reflecting pool, bunches of huge buildings, NO PINK TILES. Take note, Taiwan. Take note.

This church is the headquarters of the Christian Scientists. Didn't know they were based in Boston - there you go, you learn something new every day. Isn't it beautiful?




Here's the side of it, and some of the reflecting pool.




Okay, I know this isn't really a pic of Boston. But it IS the most usual angle in which I get to see Quincy. Thing is, you aren't allowed to touch it. You'll get well clawed. How unfair is that?




Update on what I'm doing: well, I finally got a call from the temp place today. About bloody time! I'll be working tomorrow and Friday, at least.

I've been spending a lot of time in supermarkets, marvelling at the sheer variety of everything. And everything is packaged to the nines. It almost seems impossible to just buy a simple plain bag of anything. In fact, it pretty much is. It took me about 10 minutes to find brown rice that hadn't been put in a convenient boiling bag, parboiled, flavoured or in some way "improved" for my convenience.

Can't help thinking that food must get pretty boring, if the flavours are so tightly controlled. I'm going to resist convenience food and frozen meals for as long as I can.

What else? Well, today I'm going to go to the Museum of Fine Arts. I expect I'll have a good time...

Oh, You Crazy Americans...

Alright, I know it's immature but still. BA HA HA HA HA!

Chez Jody

Okay, I know they're not exactly inspirational photos or anything, but here's my new house.

This is my room... I'm standing by my closet, and pretty much everything you see here was swiped by me, for free. Huzzah!



This is the living room. It's tiny, but cosy. I'm not sure why Martha has futons instead of couches, but what do I care? They're comfy, and I can snooze while watching daytime television. That's what the unemployed do, you know.




This is the kitchen. I'm standing in the doorway of my room. Pretty cool, right? And there's a picnic table for me to turn into a daily office area!




This is Quincy, resident fluff beast. I know his tag says 'Boris' - there was quite a bit of indecision about his name, and somebody got him a tag prematurely. He's ok. No Ned of the Toddin, but he'll do in a pinch. Right now, he's manking up my bed, which he seems to think is only there for him to loll on.

Don't ask me why he's wearing a kerchief.




Nothing to do with the house - here's Stef! We went to Newport, and since I wanted to take a picture of this bizarre statue, I made her stand in the shot. I tried to get her to climb up and hold onto the feet, but she wouldn't. Boo!

I'm Not Flaky, Honest!

So, apparently having 3 jobs in 3 years and living in 3 countries in 3 years is a little unstable. Who do these recruitment people think they are?

Achievements:

Scored a free bed.
Unpacked.
Bought some tasty cheese!
Schlepped downtown and DID NOT GET LOST. In your face, Taipei.
Attended 'Ultimate Frisbee' game.

Home Sweet Home

I've moved into my new pad. Pictures to follow when I find the cord to my camera!

It's small, cute, the bottom floor of an old 3 storey house, and my room is pretty sweet. I've got a closet that's too narrow to put coat hangers in, two filthy windows that look out over nothing much, and my flatmate's cat Quincy permanently glued to my pillow. He seems to think I'm some sort of "cat person", and that I'll love having him sleep with me at night. Pffff! Who gave him that idea?

In other news, I've hurt my stupid back again. I can't stand up straight, and when I do, the blood supply to my left arm seems to be compromised, and it goes numb. Great. Thank goodness for Caroline and Roy, who helped me move all my stuff AND carried the bed by themselves. They're the best.

I have been exploring my new 'hood a bit, and it seems good. It's a very studenty area (I'm quite near Tufts University) so there are lots of stylish cafes and pubs. So far I have failed to find a supermarket, which might be a problem... Will The Jody have to get a car?? Watch this space.

The First Pancake

Okay, so here's what happened with New York. At some point in the last lazy week, Caroline Rachel and I decided to go to New York. That's pretty much as far as our forward planning went.

We threw some clothes in our largest handbags, and set off for the train...

Only, Caroline read the timetable for weekdays instead of Saturday, so the train was an hour later than we were counting on. Gaaah! So we went out for some breakfast instead.

Finally got on the train, and transfered in Boston to the Lucky Star bus which is cheap as chips and full of dodgy looking people.

4 hours on the bus, and New York loomed over the horizon! It's AMAZING people. I felt like such a country bumpkin, staring out the window and getting excited about seeing the Statue of Liberty.

We got off in China-town, and commenced with the wandering around with our mouths open. We hadn't organised anywhere to sleep, so we found a coffee shop with internet access and started calling hostels.

Okay, here's where we really buggered this up. We totally forgot that it was Labor Day Weekend in the States, and EVERYWHERE in New York was booked solid. We must have called 10 different places before we started to get a little concerned.

No worries though, we've got back up plans, right? Hmm. Caroline's friend couldn't accommodate us because her place is tiny and she's currently sleeping on the floor as it is. Rachel's friend was moving out of her place and staying with a friend at that very moment, and couldn't take 3 guests either. My cousin (many times removed etc) Neville was out of town, and so was pretty much everyone he knew, which we know because he VERY kindly called about a million people to see if anyone could put us up.

It was getting dark.

We went to Times Square.

It's not square! What's up with that?

We had some dinner, and I was standing out on the street afterwards waiting for the other two, and I got approached by this tough guy with a thick NY accent, wearing an army uniform, and collecting money to buy blankets for homeless people. "What a coincidence!" sez I. "We've got nowhere to sleep tonight and and we might be needing some blankets!" He glared at me. "Are you tryin' ta be funny?" (no way, never.)

We managed to convince him we were serious, and he immediately frog-marched us around the corner to a fancy hotel and then demanded that the receptionist call around all the hotels she knew to see if anyone had rooms free.

2 did - at $750 and $500 a room! No bloody way.

In the end, we had a couple of beers in the west village, Rachel stayed with her friend, and Caroline and I had to take the last bus back to Boston.

Ah boo!

We got in at 3am, and stayed at Roy's house for 2 days instead.

What a lame NY experience. However, I'm feeling positive. The first pancake is always meh, and should be chucked away. So this is a nice taster of the Big Apple, and when I go back I'll have all my ducks in a row and it'll be much better!

Random Adventures

When we were in Japan, waiting for the plane to the States, I went off to find a coffee. Annie said that the coffee shop by our gate would take American cash, so I was confident of getting my caffeine fix.

I ordered a latte and handed her a $20. "EEEEEEEEE!" she shrieked! "Oh no no no! I do not have such change! Too big too big!" Humph.

I schlepped all the way back to the Bureau de Change, and got some yen. Then schlepped all the way back to the coffee shop.

There was an elderly American gentleman ahead of me in the queue, and he also had a $20 note. She did it again! "EEEEEEEEEE!" So I butted in and said that it was a hell of a hike to get change, and instead why didn't I just buy him a coffee? Well he graciously accepted, but the server woman blew a cutesy Japanese gasket!

"EEEEEEEEEEE! So nice! So nice!" She started bowing to me, and then she called over the other employee for a rapid Japanese effusion on what a lovely person I am. He listened in awe, and then also started bowing to me. Bloody hell!

Me and the old guy were relieved to get our coffees so we could escape.

Exploring the Cape

Hi Folks! Sorry it's been a while. You'd be shocked - shocked! at how much time it takes to veg out every day in one of the most beautiful parts of America. Poor me.

Here's a brief update with most of the details missing. I spent my last day in Taipei running around doing insane stuff, and traversing the city at least 4 times. I think I managed to take 6 taxis in one day. Among the many things I squeezed in, I had lunch with Morning at this awesome vegetarian Japanese restaurant. Here's me, eating some of the amazing dishes we got.



Then I went out for dinner with various friends, and THEN we went out for a drink. Just the one, mind you. After 4 or 5 "just one"s, I decided it would be a completely marvellous idea to skip the whole sleeping before getting up at 4:45am to catch the plane. So I just stayed out all night and caught a taxi to Annie's to pick up my suitcase with minutes to spare before she abandoned me and left by herself.

Here's us, with our exit stamps in our passports. I don't think I look tooooo bad, considering!



The flight was predictably tedious, but I actually wasn't too hungover so I coped. We slept most of the way to Texas.

Texas both sucked and blowed (well done, home of Bush) because the stupid plane to Boston "broke". As in, 1 of the 2 air conditioning units broke. The pilot said that we could fly with one, and we just needed to wait for maintenance to clear us. Well, an hour later he gets on the intercom and says "GREAT news everyone! We're changing planes! Please get all your belongings and proceed to the boarding area while we get everything sorted". I'm not sure about the other passengers, but I just couldn't figure out how this was good news.

So, another half hour sitting in the airport, and we were allowed onto our new plane. We taxied down the run-way. Then Mr. Perky got back on the intercom and cheerfully announced that we would be taking off super-shortly, as we were only 18th in the queue! WTF. So there was at least another half hour sitting on the tarmac, before we actually left.

Got to Boston 2 hours late, to find Rachel and Caroline huddled together and dissecting a blueberry muffin from Dunkin' Donuts. Boy was I glad to see them!

A long drive back to Essex (Caroline accidentally took the old and meandering highway) and I was finally able to stretch my legs and sleep.

Woke up to discover that she lives in this house. It's 300 years old, except for the top story which is a mere 200 years old. And there's a secret passageway. And there's a secret room behind the chimney which they think was probably used to hide people on the underground railroad. How bloody amazing is THAT???



Isn't it cute? Every building in New England is cute as a button, and there are far too many nice ones to post. So here's just a sample.

In some town. Don't ask me where.



Maybe in Essex? Who knows.



Okay, I know where this one is. Rockport, MA. We went for a drive around one day, and spent quite a bit of time here. It's gorgeous of course, and this place was for rent. If I decide to refocus my career to sell expensive jewelry made out of seashells, I'll be living here for sure.



Arty shot. You can kind of see the reflection of Rockport buildings in the bulb, right?



This old lady was hilarious! She was cruising around Rockport in her awesome Cadillac, with her crutches on the passenger seat, and a curly beehive hairdo atop her head. Not sure what she's doing here, parked up at the point, but I like to think she's checking out young men.



Caroline and Rachel in Rockport.



The 3 of us. We asked this man to take the photo, and just as he was about to oblige, Rachel squealed that it wasn't her good side and she had to swap with Caroline, and then Caroline was iffy about it because it wasn't her good side either, and the guy was rolling his eyes, and his wife was smirking, and I was saying "For gods sake sit down and shut up about your damn sides. All of you is ugly. Take the damn photo."


And that's about it so far. I'll do another post about my hilarious and random first trip to New York a bit later.

I'll Get You My Pretties...

Yesterday we went to the Salem Witch Museum. It was pretty cool actually, if a TEENSY bit cheesy. There's a reasonably informative presentation about the Salem witch trials in 1692, some background stuff about witches and Wiccans etc etc, and then you can buy a bunch of witch-themed crap in the gift store.

Salem is gorgeous (everything in MA is) and there are so many beautiful buildings I am completely satisfied.

After that we went into Boston (finally!) for a look round. Rachel and Caroline wanted to go to Chinatown! It was a bit soon for me. I just wanted to see Boston stuff - not bubble tea and steamed buns. Anyway, it's all good. We did both.

I'm getting myself together a bit - I opened a bank account and got a cellphone yesterday, so I am on the grid. The guy in the bank was rather bemused by the 3 of us, I think. We stormed his office, C&R ate all his lollipops, and for some reason he was convinced we were sisters. Yeah. Because we're practically identical. Whatever - the upshot is, I'm no longer nervous about carrying around large amounts of cash.

The only thing I can think of that I saw that amused me was a liquor store called Bunghole's. Wish I'd been able to take a photo, but we were in the car. Next time, I promise!

Tsai Jien Taiwan, Helloooooo America

Hi All - I survived it. The flight was predictably tedious, but I guess my decision to go out drinking and just stay up until it was time to go to the airport didn't help much. Hey - you only live once, right?? I'd like to thank my reprobate friends for assisting me in my foolish endeavours....

I got stuck in Texas for 2 hours longer than I wanted (airplane issues) so by the time we landed in Boston it was well past midnight and I was bug-eyed from 2 days without sleep.

Caroline and Rachel were huddled in a corner of the airport, scoffing Dunkin' Donuts and holding fluoro welcome signs that fortunately they didn't have time to wave because I surprised them!

A long drive back to Essex, and then I was tucked up in bed in Caroline's folks' house. It's so cute you'd want to curl up and die. I'll put up photos at some point.

Yesterday we drove around the top bit of Massachusetts, ooing and aaahing at old houses and beautiful trees. We drove through New Hampshire and Maine and went shopping at this weird town that seemed to be nothing but outlet malls, then had a typically gigantic American dinner at this all-day breakfast place in Portsmouth.

It's all kind of surreal right now. Such a complete change from Taipei. I can't honestly say I miss Taiwan, but I'm certainly feeling the loss of people there.

Today I'm determined to do at least one practical thing towards getting myself set up here, so I'll post later.

Sorry it's not funny - turns out, when places are beautiful and relaxing, there isn't a lot to be cynical about! Well - not yet anyway. I could definitely comment on the size of the bottoms around here, but who wants to hear about that? We already know who ate all the pies.

Last Day in Taipei!

Tomorrow's it, folks. New adventures await me. I've only got 2 more sleeps, 2 more hours teaching, 1 lunch, 1 drinks, 1 dinner, 1 adventure and maybe 3 more taxi rides to go.

I moved out of the bat-cave on Wednesday, which went very smoothly, and now I'm staying at my friend Kevin's house for a few days. It's stinking hot all the time because he's only got aircon in his bedroom, and the bed in the spare room is harder than a rock in a snit. Roll on Boston... (just in case Kevin ever reads this; thanks for letting me stay, mate! You're the best!)

I'm packing large amounts of American currency, my bags are mostly packed and I am ready to hit the road.

It might be a while before I'm a-bloggin' again, so try to make do until I think up something new to say.

The Last Week

Finally, it's here. My last week in Taiwan. I've got so much to organise it's ridiculous, but I'm sure it'll all get done. Well - it has to really, doesn't it?

Annie and I had our goodbye party on Saturday night, which was good I think. I had a good time, anyway!

And now I have piles of children to churn through, dan pings to scoff, things to give away, boxes to haul to the post office, cheques to cash, suitcases to stuff, rubbish to toss, and a sprouting garlic to euthanise.

Then it's BOSTON, BABY!!!

Green Thumbs

Turns out I haven't done the dishes in a while, because there's a sprouting garlic growing out of the food trap in my kitchen sink!

I'm reminded of my revered mother, and the time she managed to grow a mushroom in our bathroom...

I guess there's no denying the genetics!

A Note to my Fan

Dear Reader

I hear you can't read the green style blog very well, so I have changed to this rather dashing alternative instead.

I hope it suits!

Jody xxx

Ruminating a Little

As I rode the bus home this evening, gripping a seat back for dear life while its occupant pretended to be asleep so she couldn't be shamed into standing up for the old lady standing next to me, I started to think a little about the past year in Taiwan.

Most of the time, I think "thank goodness the end is nigh" or "nice try Taiwan, but I live to cross another road" or "WTF does he think he is doing?".

But yesterday I was freaking out a little. Not that I want to stay, but routine is nice, you know? And now I have to run around like a headless chicken getting organised to go, only to have to hit the ground running in Boston for fear I get run over by American traffic, or end up jobless and homeless, standing around a burning trash barrel and fighting some guy called Jed for the last of the rum.

Some things about Taiwan are really great. And some I am fond of, in a "oh aren't they retarded but sweet" kind of way.

Great things: dan-ping. And the MRT. And I hate to say it, but the 7-11s on every corner really are convenient!

Retarded but sweet: The way they manipulate bamboo into freaky shapes and then decorate it with red and gold bows. Their unnatural fondness for red beans and rice "treats". Their belief that playing basketball will make you grow taller, and if you punch yourself repeatedly in the thighs, you'll be thin.

Things I have NO time for and have driven me crazy: the peasant-like stares of 99% of the population as I go about my daily business. The way they grind their kids into the ground with work. Their selfish and clannish mentality and how that translates on a daily basis. Think: Driving around an injured scooter rider who's just been bowled by a car, because they don't know him. Keeping large dogs in cramped inner city apartments because if they are seen with a large dog, people will think they are rich and can afford a big place to keep it. Rarely the case.

I could go on and on and fill up all the left-over space on the internet, but I won't.

New Look

Got bored...

The Long and Short of It

Okay, these are by no means the most disturbing shorts I have seen in Taiwan, but it was the best opportunity to take a sneaky photo... I'm sorry it's a bit dark - I thought using the flash might have been a little bit obvious!

I honestly have undies that cover more of my ass than these shorts do hers! And what do you think "Sugoi Sis" is? The name of the fungal infection you risk when you expose your birth canal to the elements?




And then on the other end of the exposure spectrum, we have this guy. He was giving a concert in an underground shopping mall. Yes, your eyes are working fine. He's got a basket on his head.

Leeks

Oh, and one more thing. I went out for lunch with two of the teachers from work the other day, and the man in the restaurant was telling them they should definitely get leek dumplings, because they are "good for men".

I rolled my eyes, because it seems that EVERYTHING in Taiwan is good for either women's blood, or women's bodies in general, or for easing period pain or something. But this is the first time I've heard about something that is good for men.

The guys looked confused, so he helpfully elaborated. "It's good for making the sexy". Oh yay.

Then he looks at ME, and says "You know?"!!!!

I assured him I only date men who eat leeks.

A Slice of Life - I Mean, What Does She REALLY Do?

Hi Folks. I thought you might like to know how I spend my time when I only have evening classes to teach.

Yesterday, I slept in until the sun was too bright and I couldn't stand it any more (about 7:15), then I got up.

I was a vision of loveliness, wearing red and white stripy pj pants that are a bit big these days, so drag fetchingly on the ground and have to be yanked up frequently. I matched these with a teal stripy men's singlet, also too big, and alarmingly gapey under the arms.

Then I strapped my ipod to my leg with the velcro elastic thingee that came with it, tied as much of my hair as I could get onto the very top of my head, and proceeded with a 3 hour boogie around the bat cave singing loudly to myself.

I think I've really improved my bum dance.

Day Off

My 1-on-1 student canceled yesterday, so I had a rare and greatly appreciated day off! Said goodbye to yet another friend (ah booooooo!) and then went to see an exhibition of paintings by the French painter Millet.

Which involved standing in a massive line, outside on a 38 degree day, with half of Taipei, watching them jump the rope to get their photos taken next to the grainy blown-up version of one of his most famous paintings; ie, the ad for the event.

With cutesy peace signs.

Yuck.

The paintings were... meh, ok. I thought he was pretty good at painting drapery, and Sean liked the one with the chicks picking up wheat.

I'm trying to think if I saw anything particularly weird or funny, but I don't think I did. WAIT! I just remembered. We saw a Chinese Trannie in the line. S/he was wearing the most god-awful dress, knee-high stockings that you could see the tops of, (NOT good) and we were pretty sure we saw an Adam's apple.

Boohiss - home to 1

http://boohiss.myminicity.com/

Yeah... I don't know what happened. Tracy sent me a website that is a data base of useless and time-wasting sites, and now I have a mini city. Of which I am the supreme ruler. I only have 1 inhabitant thus far, living in a tiny cabin in the woods.

And it informs me that if nobody goes to look, I won't have any more people to play with.

I'm sort of embarrassed right now.

Therapy

We (meaning: 5 of the teachers from Kojen) went to the pool yesterday for a day of lounging around in chlorinated paradise.

There were a couple of kids from school there, and guess what? It's great stress relief to hurl small balls at the heads of children, and it's also very therapeutic to beat them with floating styrofoam 'noodles', and dunk their little heads under the water.

Teacher Jody is feeling serene.

Curious

Isn't it funny how a bathroom can be charmingly bijou, until the day the soap sputs out of your hands and lands in the toilet?

Then it's just small.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I went to Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall. I can't believe I haven't been there before now! Rather a massive oversight, because it's actually really cool. Here's the steps.




And the main pagoda thingee.




There was a puddle, and I was trying to do arty shots with the sunset and the reflection, and in black and white with only the sun in colour. I think this is the best one!




I'm in there at the bottom, see?




Earlier in the day we saw this... I know it's a bit out of focus, but trust me that's a blessing. Little cacti in pots with googly eyes and pipe cleaner mouths? I shouldn't be surprised after all this time, but I am still a little disappointed.




Oh, and before THAT it was Caroline's last night out in Taiwan so we hit the town and as usual it was ugly. Although this picture isn't.




This one might be...




"Beer. The cause of, and solution to all life's problems." So true Homer, so true.