Evening all! It's 9:30pm in Taipei, home of Taipei 101, the world's tallest (occupied) building, it's New Year's Eve and it's the last year that the city will be putting on a fireworks display on said tall building.
I am in my pjs and seriously considering having a bath.
Yep, I'm a sad old git and I'm completely gleeful about it! Ahhhhhhh...
Anyhoo, the year in review. It started off as the usual pile of crap for me, but things got going around March when I finally decided to trade in my old life for a new and improved version. Trust me you guys - the hard part is deciding to do it, and the rest is merely budgets and checklists. It took me 5 months.
And now I live in a bat cave in Taiwan, where I am a source of constant entertainment for the locals. Don't even have to try - I am fascinating just the way I am!
Things I liked about 2007: saying goodbye to being a PA. Moving to Taiwan. Trying teaching. Feeling the call of adventure and relishing the possibilities!
Resolutions: the usual. Stop swearing so much (never gonna happen) get more exercise (meh) be nicer to my friends (love you!) appreciate my mother more (I do I do!).
Hope your lists are going well too. Happy New Year. If I don't see you this week, I really miss you.
Monday, December 31, 2007
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Ho Ho Ho
I'm between functions.
Merry Christmas gentle readers! Hope you're having a good one. So far I've stuffed myself solid with pancakes and bubbly, so not too bad of a day.
Have also talked to my Mum and Tracy, got a full update on the doings of the poodle, received 2 presents (both PREMIUM quality! Thanks Als and Sanchia) and scooped a Christmas stocking's volume of poo. Thanks to Hansel, Huasheng, Horse and Uri for providing the stuffing.
Am feeling ever so slightly homesick, but that might just be the pancakes.
Merry Christmas gentle readers! Hope you're having a good one. So far I've stuffed myself solid with pancakes and bubbly, so not too bad of a day.
Have also talked to my Mum and Tracy, got a full update on the doings of the poodle, received 2 presents (both PREMIUM quality! Thanks Als and Sanchia) and scooped a Christmas stocking's volume of poo. Thanks to Hansel, Huasheng, Horse and Uri for providing the stuffing.
Am feeling ever so slightly homesick, but that might just be the pancakes.
Sunday, December 23, 2007
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Taiwan Day
Man, you try to do the right thing...
I paid some money off my credit card yesterday (or so I stupidly thought) and this morning I got a very excited and concerned call from my bank. The National Bank does not exist. How can this be, you say? It's one of New Zealand's biggest! It's been around for years! It has a website!
It's written right there on your credit card. Underneath the BIG writing that says The National Bank. Squint a bit. There you go... it says "This card remains the property of ANZ National Bank Limited". And as irrefutable PROOF that The National Bank does not exist, some guy at the Dong Hu branch of the First Bank of Taiwan can't find it in his database.
And also, my account does not exist because (wait for it) the number is too long.
After half an hour of incredulous stares at each other, while he shouted "MERGER" at me and I shouted back "SO FUCKING WHAT? IT'S CLEARLY THE SAME PLACE!" I had to fill out all the forms again using the "correct" name of my bank, and put the money in an account with an acceptably short number.
I paid some money off my credit card yesterday (or so I stupidly thought) and this morning I got a very excited and concerned call from my bank. The National Bank does not exist. How can this be, you say? It's one of New Zealand's biggest! It's been around for years! It has a website!
It's written right there on your credit card. Underneath the BIG writing that says The National Bank. Squint a bit. There you go... it says "This card remains the property of ANZ National Bank Limited". And as irrefutable PROOF that The National Bank does not exist, some guy at the Dong Hu branch of the First Bank of Taiwan can't find it in his database.
And also, my account does not exist because (wait for it) the number is too long.
After half an hour of incredulous stares at each other, while he shouted "MERGER" at me and I shouted back "SO FUCKING WHAT? IT'S CLEARLY THE SAME PLACE!" I had to fill out all the forms again using the "correct" name of my bank, and put the money in an account with an acceptably short number.
Monday, December 17, 2007
Chinese Fun
Man, this was a bumper day for posts, wasn't it?
One more...
So, it turns out my attempts at speaking Chinese are just as bad as predicted. There's this whole tonal system you see. And if you don't say each bit in exactly the right tone, the meaning changes completely. I knew this of course, but I'm really bad at remembering which to use where. It turns out that for the past 4 months, I have been telling taxi drivers that I want to go to the "end" of _____, (first tone) but accidently using fourth tone. Which means "fuck". No wonder I get such strange looks!
One more...
So, it turns out my attempts at speaking Chinese are just as bad as predicted. There's this whole tonal system you see. And if you don't say each bit in exactly the right tone, the meaning changes completely. I knew this of course, but I'm really bad at remembering which to use where. It turns out that for the past 4 months, I have been telling taxi drivers that I want to go to the "end" of _____, (first tone) but accidently using fourth tone. Which means "fuck". No wonder I get such strange looks!
Friends - a miniscule selection
As I'm sure you can imagine, I am wildly popular in Taiwan. Here's just some of the better looking people I call friends.
Annie from the States, who is also teaching here. We met on my very first day here, because she was in the same temporary accommodation. We agreed that it was more than nasty, and got the hell out of there as quickly as we could!
Kelly, my co-teacher in the preschool where I don't work any more because of the whole thing. See previous posts on this blog...
Anyway, she's awesome and I miss her and our kiddies every day. She took me shopping at the biggest night market in Taipei, and we got those weird photo sticker things made together. So very Asian! It was fun.
My co-teacher from my class of 7 year olds (they of the frequent group hugs) in the Kids Department, Morning. She usually dresses better than this, but we were at the Christmas fair! I know what you're thinking. Why is Jody doing that cheesy 2 finger thing? Well, it kind of grows on you. Like fungus. Everyone does it here in every single photo, except for when they're doing this other thing that looks exactly like the old and not very politically correct NZSL sign for Lesbian! Man, I laughed when I saw that!
Oh, and yes, her name really is Morning.
Caroline and Rachel, who both teach in the preschool. American, of course. I think Caroline is from Virginia or something. Or maybe New Hampshire? I don't listen. From some small town called Essex, anyway. And Rachel is from Nashville Tennessee. She's EXACTLY how you would imagine!
Annie from the States, who is also teaching here. We met on my very first day here, because she was in the same temporary accommodation. We agreed that it was more than nasty, and got the hell out of there as quickly as we could!
Kelly, my co-teacher in the preschool where I don't work any more because of the whole thing. See previous posts on this blog...
Anyway, she's awesome and I miss her and our kiddies every day. She took me shopping at the biggest night market in Taipei, and we got those weird photo sticker things made together. So very Asian! It was fun.
My co-teacher from my class of 7 year olds (they of the frequent group hugs) in the Kids Department, Morning. She usually dresses better than this, but we were at the Christmas fair! I know what you're thinking. Why is Jody doing that cheesy 2 finger thing? Well, it kind of grows on you. Like fungus. Everyone does it here in every single photo, except for when they're doing this other thing that looks exactly like the old and not very politically correct NZSL sign for Lesbian! Man, I laughed when I saw that!
Oh, and yes, her name really is Morning.
Caroline and Rachel, who both teach in the preschool. American, of course. I think Caroline is from Virginia or something. Or maybe New Hampshire? I don't listen. From some small town called Essex, anyway. And Rachel is from Nashville Tennessee. She's EXACTLY how you would imagine!
Kitties
So far, all 4 cats are alive... Here they are in all their glory!
This one is Huasheng. He and Hansel are in black and white because it's very slimming and it hides many flaws. Including the biggest one for these two - they are GINGAS. Oh, the shame.
His ear got hurt before Alex adopted him, and it's permanently squashed like that. I like to call it his dim sim.
Mr. Hansel "The Toe Monster" Grace-Evans. He's gorgeous and he smells nice. But he's definitely a little rat. Every day he manages to find my foot strapping tape, and he bites it so hard, it's now completely aerated. He's also chewed my Christmas present from Alex and James. Ah boo! Oh yes, and he attacks my feet at night while I'm sleeping.
This little guy is Horse. It's actually a very flattering shot, because in reality, Horse has HORRIBLE breath, googly eyes, a missing tail, a tail stump that is constantly rotating in a most unpleasant fashion, and a tendency to attack. Plus stinky farts. I love him.
No photos of Uri. He's very shy. Or possibly just upset with me for calling him Urinal.
This one is Huasheng. He and Hansel are in black and white because it's very slimming and it hides many flaws. Including the biggest one for these two - they are GINGAS. Oh, the shame.
His ear got hurt before Alex adopted him, and it's permanently squashed like that. I like to call it his dim sim.
Mr. Hansel "The Toe Monster" Grace-Evans. He's gorgeous and he smells nice. But he's definitely a little rat. Every day he manages to find my foot strapping tape, and he bites it so hard, it's now completely aerated. He's also chewed my Christmas present from Alex and James. Ah boo! Oh yes, and he attacks my feet at night while I'm sleeping.
This little guy is Horse. It's actually a very flattering shot, because in reality, Horse has HORRIBLE breath, googly eyes, a missing tail, a tail stump that is constantly rotating in a most unpleasant fashion, and a tendency to attack. Plus stinky farts. I love him.
No photos of Uri. He's very shy. Or possibly just upset with me for calling him Urinal.
Sunday, December 16, 2007
PLB
Almost forgot! I took quite a few pictures of small dogs today. Here's the Overall Winner of the Poor Little Bastards Golden Booties Trophy.
I hope you're able to make out its shaved face, with beard and side-tufts left intact for extra street cred.
PLB, I dub thee... Butch.
I hope you're able to make out its shaved face, with beard and side-tufts left intact for extra street cred.
PLB, I dub thee... Butch.
Jody's Day of Fun
Went out of the city today with Ramon and Joyce (my secret other bosses... sh...) and saw some sights. Which were very cool. But I'm so bloody tired, I can't effuse. I'll post some pics instead...
Shit I look retarded in this one! Oh well. Can't remember where I am, but it's the famous pottery "town" outside of Taipei. I, however, could have sworn we hadn't left the city. It's one continuous mess of 7-11s and freeways as far as I can tell.
We got a bucket of tofu from this place, and I swear to god it was the best thing I've ever eaten. I could have eaten it again. Twice. I took a picture because it's a very common Chinese thing but I knew I wouldn't remember the words. So now I just have to whip out Ye Olde Camera and check the characters. Tofu, you WILL be mine again!
The most famous temple in (wherever we were). It was really beautiful and the carved columns were amazing. I just about died from attempted incense homicide, so left in a hurry.
Then I drank a coconut.
And had an Orange Tea. Which had little tiny oranges floating in it. Which were green.
Shit I look retarded in this one! Oh well. Can't remember where I am, but it's the famous pottery "town" outside of Taipei. I, however, could have sworn we hadn't left the city. It's one continuous mess of 7-11s and freeways as far as I can tell.
We got a bucket of tofu from this place, and I swear to god it was the best thing I've ever eaten. I could have eaten it again. Twice. I took a picture because it's a very common Chinese thing but I knew I wouldn't remember the words. So now I just have to whip out Ye Olde Camera and check the characters. Tofu, you WILL be mine again!
The most famous temple in (wherever we were). It was really beautiful and the carved columns were amazing. I just about died from attempted incense homicide, so left in a hurry.
Then I drank a coconut.
And had an Orange Tea. Which had little tiny oranges floating in it. Which were green.
Friday, December 14, 2007
Eureka!
I can't believe it, but I actually FORGOT that I have an ipod! Juiced that baby up to maximum power, and the horror of Christmas (see previous post) melted smoothly away...
I sat there in the Teachers Room, Dave Dobbyn crooning in my ear, and felt calm. I could see my hapless co-teachers, going greyer and wrinklier. I could spot the most serene of them start to argue with the voices in his head, but I was blissfully happy.
I sat there in the Teachers Room, Dave Dobbyn crooning in my ear, and felt calm. I could see my hapless co-teachers, going greyer and wrinklier. I could spot the most serene of them start to argue with the voices in his head, but I was blissfully happy.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Fast Times in Da-an
My sojourn at the Winter Palace is going very well so far. In a Jody sort of way. ie, I accidentally pulled the door off the washing machine, it's taken me 4 days to find the powder for the dishwasher, and I've eaten a lot of cheese...
The cats are alive (I'm documenting this with photos in case of a law suit) to date, and appear to enjoy my company. This feeling is mutual. I've been singing them songs (something along the lines of "Huash and Hansel ARE so cute, doo daa... doo daa". I didn't say it was good singing!) and scooping more poo than you would think possible for 2 small winkies to produce.
Highlights of the week: today in the elevator, a very stylish 3 year old with a jaunty flower on her woolen hat and a large helium balloon attached to her wrist announced that I have "cool shoes". As translated by her mother, from the original Chinese. I said "thanks very much" back to her in Chinese, and suddenly she went very shy.
Also worth a mention: as ever, my 7 year olds. If I didn't get cuddles from them, my backbone would shrivel up and I would die.
Lowlights: Those of you who know me will remember, I am sure, my distaste for the frothy tinselly crap of Christmas. Well, NZ has nothing on Taiwan. They have fully embraced the glitter, the synthesiser bells, the vile seasonal songs by 'artists' that should have a little more pride, and the stuffed animals that belt out carols when you walk by them.
My local bakery. There's a stuffed Coca Cola-esque Santa Claus, who is maniacally singing "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..." ad nauseum. How the poor woman working in there could stand it, I don't know. I was only there for 40 seconds and I was ready to scream by the time I left.
Kojen (my school) has covered the entire building in fake snow, Christmas trees, gingham curtains, snowmen, fairy lights, pretend presents, reindeer and candy canes. But did they stop there? Nooooooooo. They are playing their only Christmas CD non-stop. It's a funky remix of the worst carols you can imagine. As interpreted by: Alvin and the Chipmunks, George Michael, and a bunch of other losers that I don't recognise. There's also a reindeer with sunglasses on playing a sax, and every time one of the shitrats squeezes its hoof, it plays "Santa Claus is coming to town". OVer and OVer.
I'm sorry to say, I had to go down there yesterday, grab the vile thing by its plush antlers, and inform the secretaries that if they didn't remove it from the children's little paws, I was going to scrape together every remaining NT in my possession, and purchase a handgun. Then I pointed at the last kids to set the thing off, and said that they would be first to die.
It got put away for a whole day.
The cats are alive (I'm documenting this with photos in case of a law suit) to date, and appear to enjoy my company. This feeling is mutual. I've been singing them songs (something along the lines of "Huash and Hansel ARE so cute, doo daa... doo daa". I didn't say it was good singing!) and scooping more poo than you would think possible for 2 small winkies to produce.
Highlights of the week: today in the elevator, a very stylish 3 year old with a jaunty flower on her woolen hat and a large helium balloon attached to her wrist announced that I have "cool shoes". As translated by her mother, from the original Chinese. I said "thanks very much" back to her in Chinese, and suddenly she went very shy.
Also worth a mention: as ever, my 7 year olds. If I didn't get cuddles from them, my backbone would shrivel up and I would die.
Lowlights: Those of you who know me will remember, I am sure, my distaste for the frothy tinselly crap of Christmas. Well, NZ has nothing on Taiwan. They have fully embraced the glitter, the synthesiser bells, the vile seasonal songs by 'artists' that should have a little more pride, and the stuffed animals that belt out carols when you walk by them.
My local bakery. There's a stuffed Coca Cola-esque Santa Claus, who is maniacally singing "Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way, jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle all the way..." ad nauseum. How the poor woman working in there could stand it, I don't know. I was only there for 40 seconds and I was ready to scream by the time I left.
Kojen (my school) has covered the entire building in fake snow, Christmas trees, gingham curtains, snowmen, fairy lights, pretend presents, reindeer and candy canes. But did they stop there? Nooooooooo. They are playing their only Christmas CD non-stop. It's a funky remix of the worst carols you can imagine. As interpreted by: Alvin and the Chipmunks, George Michael, and a bunch of other losers that I don't recognise. There's also a reindeer with sunglasses on playing a sax, and every time one of the shitrats squeezes its hoof, it plays "Santa Claus is coming to town". OVer and OVer.
I'm sorry to say, I had to go down there yesterday, grab the vile thing by its plush antlers, and inform the secretaries that if they didn't remove it from the children's little paws, I was going to scrape together every remaining NT in my possession, and purchase a handgun. Then I pointed at the last kids to set the thing off, and said that they would be first to die.
It got put away for a whole day.
Wednesday, December 5, 2007
Fire
Was just sitting here msn-ing, and there was a funny burning smell. Sniffed all the lights (low ceilings!) but it didn't seem to be coming from Chez Moi.
Next thing I know, 2 fire engines and 2 ambulances show up! Some guy on the ground floor fell asleep while he was cooking.
However, all is well and we're not really on fire.
Hey Mum - the cheese showed up! Never in my life have I seen a flatter and smellier blue cheese. Thanks! I think, upon further reflection, it might not have been a good idea. It stinks to high heaven! It's even overtaken the burning smell. I'll stick it in the fridge for the night and see if it perks up any...
Next thing I know, 2 fire engines and 2 ambulances show up! Some guy on the ground floor fell asleep while he was cooking.
However, all is well and we're not really on fire.
Hey Mum - the cheese showed up! Never in my life have I seen a flatter and smellier blue cheese. Thanks! I think, upon further reflection, it might not have been a good idea. It stinks to high heaven! It's even overtaken the burning smell. I'll stick it in the fridge for the night and see if it perks up any...
Tuesday, December 4, 2007
Winter Residence
Went to see Alex and David tonight - I'm house-sitting for them for a month or so from next week. Not really crazy about the commute out to Nei Hu, but very much looking forward to having 2 beautiful cats to keep me company! Huasheng and Hansel - prepare yourselves for the snuggling...
Taiwan Observations:
They're always doing really funny exercises in the parks. Like, walking backwards. Or doing John Travolta-esque dance moves. The other day I was waiting for the MRT, and a woman walked straight into me because she was walking backwards and she didn't see me!
The kids eat some pretty weird snacks. They're always trying to share things with me like strips of seaweed.
Lots of people seem to burp a lot, and they're a great nation for nose picking. Nobody seems to notice except the foreigners.
They really and honestly truly are completely INSANE on the roads. But somehow it works, so who am I to comment?
They're much politer about cellphone usage than at home. If they're in public they'll cover their mouths with a hand while they talk, and they're hardly ever loud.
Things like road-works seem to happen a lot faster than good old NZ. No ubiquitous man with a shovel standing by the road here. You'll pass a concrete truck and some gravel in the morning, and by afternoon it's a lovely paved road.
Construction workers are from the Good Old Days - in other words, they stare and point and yell at girls who walk past...
Well, guess that's about it for now. It's kind of late and I should go to bed. God I'm useless! I honestly slept for 15 hours last night/this morning/this afternoon. I feel better than I have in a month, but I'm tired again. You suck Jody, you old fart.
Taiwan Observations:
They're always doing really funny exercises in the parks. Like, walking backwards. Or doing John Travolta-esque dance moves. The other day I was waiting for the MRT, and a woman walked straight into me because she was walking backwards and she didn't see me!
The kids eat some pretty weird snacks. They're always trying to share things with me like strips of seaweed.
Lots of people seem to burp a lot, and they're a great nation for nose picking. Nobody seems to notice except the foreigners.
They really and honestly truly are completely INSANE on the roads. But somehow it works, so who am I to comment?
They're much politer about cellphone usage than at home. If they're in public they'll cover their mouths with a hand while they talk, and they're hardly ever loud.
Things like road-works seem to happen a lot faster than good old NZ. No ubiquitous man with a shovel standing by the road here. You'll pass a concrete truck and some gravel in the morning, and by afternoon it's a lovely paved road.
Construction workers are from the Good Old Days - in other words, they stare and point and yell at girls who walk past...
Well, guess that's about it for now. It's kind of late and I should go to bed. God I'm useless! I honestly slept for 15 hours last night/this morning/this afternoon. I feel better than I have in a month, but I'm tired again. You suck Jody, you old fart.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Sunday Lazy Sunday
I tell you, when you only have 1 day off a week, you relish it even when you were out till 3am. I've been up and off to the traditional market in Dong Hu, I've bought clothes, I've mucked around far too much on Facebook. Good times! This will be a random pics post.
Thusly.
Do you think that's an imperative, or an alarming noun?
Dong Hu market. You can't really see, but at least 5 locals are attempting to assassinate me with their scooters.
I don't think this is very nice! Those poor chickens, sitting in there with chopped up relatives over their heads. I didn't buy any (what a surprise).
Thusly.
Do you think that's an imperative, or an alarming noun?
Dong Hu market. You can't really see, but at least 5 locals are attempting to assassinate me with their scooters.
I don't think this is very nice! Those poor chickens, sitting in there with chopped up relatives over their heads. I didn't buy any (what a surprise).
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Antics
Let me ask you this. If you were an ant, would you choose to live INSIDE my kettle?
grrrrrrrr... (fist shake)
grrrrrrrr... (fist shake)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)