New Look

Got bored...

The Long and Short of It

Okay, these are by no means the most disturbing shorts I have seen in Taiwan, but it was the best opportunity to take a sneaky photo... I'm sorry it's a bit dark - I thought using the flash might have been a little bit obvious!

I honestly have undies that cover more of my ass than these shorts do hers! And what do you think "Sugoi Sis" is? The name of the fungal infection you risk when you expose your birth canal to the elements?




And then on the other end of the exposure spectrum, we have this guy. He was giving a concert in an underground shopping mall. Yes, your eyes are working fine. He's got a basket on his head.

Leeks

Oh, and one more thing. I went out for lunch with two of the teachers from work the other day, and the man in the restaurant was telling them they should definitely get leek dumplings, because they are "good for men".

I rolled my eyes, because it seems that EVERYTHING in Taiwan is good for either women's blood, or women's bodies in general, or for easing period pain or something. But this is the first time I've heard about something that is good for men.

The guys looked confused, so he helpfully elaborated. "It's good for making the sexy". Oh yay.

Then he looks at ME, and says "You know?"!!!!

I assured him I only date men who eat leeks.

A Slice of Life - I Mean, What Does She REALLY Do?

Hi Folks. I thought you might like to know how I spend my time when I only have evening classes to teach.

Yesterday, I slept in until the sun was too bright and I couldn't stand it any more (about 7:15), then I got up.

I was a vision of loveliness, wearing red and white stripy pj pants that are a bit big these days, so drag fetchingly on the ground and have to be yanked up frequently. I matched these with a teal stripy men's singlet, also too big, and alarmingly gapey under the arms.

Then I strapped my ipod to my leg with the velcro elastic thingee that came with it, tied as much of my hair as I could get onto the very top of my head, and proceeded with a 3 hour boogie around the bat cave singing loudly to myself.

I think I've really improved my bum dance.

Day Off

My 1-on-1 student canceled yesterday, so I had a rare and greatly appreciated day off! Said goodbye to yet another friend (ah booooooo!) and then went to see an exhibition of paintings by the French painter Millet.

Which involved standing in a massive line, outside on a 38 degree day, with half of Taipei, watching them jump the rope to get their photos taken next to the grainy blown-up version of one of his most famous paintings; ie, the ad for the event.

With cutesy peace signs.

Yuck.

The paintings were... meh, ok. I thought he was pretty good at painting drapery, and Sean liked the one with the chicks picking up wheat.

I'm trying to think if I saw anything particularly weird or funny, but I don't think I did. WAIT! I just remembered. We saw a Chinese Trannie in the line. S/he was wearing the most god-awful dress, knee-high stockings that you could see the tops of, (NOT good) and we were pretty sure we saw an Adam's apple.

Boohiss - home to 1

http://boohiss.myminicity.com/

Yeah... I don't know what happened. Tracy sent me a website that is a data base of useless and time-wasting sites, and now I have a mini city. Of which I am the supreme ruler. I only have 1 inhabitant thus far, living in a tiny cabin in the woods.

And it informs me that if nobody goes to look, I won't have any more people to play with.

I'm sort of embarrassed right now.

Therapy

We (meaning: 5 of the teachers from Kojen) went to the pool yesterday for a day of lounging around in chlorinated paradise.

There were a couple of kids from school there, and guess what? It's great stress relief to hurl small balls at the heads of children, and it's also very therapeutic to beat them with floating styrofoam 'noodles', and dunk their little heads under the water.

Teacher Jody is feeling serene.

Curious

Isn't it funny how a bathroom can be charmingly bijou, until the day the soap sputs out of your hands and lands in the toilet?

Then it's just small.

The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

I went to Chiang Kai Shek Memorial Hall. I can't believe I haven't been there before now! Rather a massive oversight, because it's actually really cool. Here's the steps.




And the main pagoda thingee.




There was a puddle, and I was trying to do arty shots with the sunset and the reflection, and in black and white with only the sun in colour. I think this is the best one!




I'm in there at the bottom, see?




Earlier in the day we saw this... I know it's a bit out of focus, but trust me that's a blessing. Little cacti in pots with googly eyes and pipe cleaner mouths? I shouldn't be surprised after all this time, but I am still a little disappointed.




Oh, and before THAT it was Caroline's last night out in Taiwan so we hit the town and as usual it was ugly. Although this picture isn't.




This one might be...




"Beer. The cause of, and solution to all life's problems." So true Homer, so true.

See The Sights, They Said.

I was sitting in a taxi earlier this evening, and as we idled under an overpass, I saw this man...

He was wearing a purple knee length skirt, and he was leaning with one hand on the overpass support, back to traffic, head down. INTENT on his business, which was scratching the living hell out of his ass and private man goodies.

He must have had fleas or something, because I've never seen anyone so lost in scratching. He kept hiking up his skirt at the back, and eventually my lucky taxi driver and I got a fetching view of his bright red undies.

What a world, eh?

What the...?

I did a bit of a tidy-up in the bat cave today, and you would not believe some of the crap I have thrown away. Geez - you don't clean your house for a year and it gets totally out of control!

Among the many items that I have blithely tossed with no thought for the planet:

• 5 mini red bean pikelets. I think the planet will understand that one.
• A neck pillow shaped like a demented blue cat having a laughing fit.
• My plane tickets to get here.
• 2 bottles of vile smelling moisturiser that Rachel left here. Trust me - VILE.
• 15 plastic forks. Must remember to tell Pasta Guy that I have cutlery at home.
• A hat shaped like a spider.
• A pair of shorts with Mickey Mouse embroidered on the arse. Clearly I was suffering heat stroke at time of purchase.
• 4 crosswords from the Taipei Times.
• A packet of lavender flavoured gum.
• 8 pens that don't work.
• 1 empty perfume bottle.
• A battery charger that belongs to something I don't own.

I feel purged and clean...

Just to liven things up, here's a picture of a frog that I confiscated from one of my students. I didn't so much care that she HAD a frog in a bottle, but she was tormenting the poor little thing by shaking the bottle. And she had the cap on. AND she'd stuffed half a boiled sweet into the bottle as food. Stupid kid.



I set it free in a fabulous puddle.

Summer...

Man, I can't believe it's summer already! I've got 52 days left in the country, it's stinking hot (but now that I think about it, it's always stinking hot so what's new?) and the school year has ended.

Which (you guessed it) means the kids have now all been jammed into summer schools for the holidays. English cram school for 3 hours followed by Math cram school for 3 hours anyone? What fun.

I've finished up with my favourite Dingo Snacks, who I am going to miss terribly. Look how cute.



There are a couple missing, including the one with the horrible contagious disease.

I went on holiday! First one since I got to Taiwan. Morning and I went to Orchid Island on the east coast of Taiwan for a long weekend. I did not see any orchids. But I did see two pigs making piglets, and a small boy pissing in the street, so I guess I can't complain.